Words From Madea and Uncle Joe

• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: I told you, you don't know how to lie. What kinda lawyer don't know how to lie? Lie and lawyer go together lie-awyer... lie-awyer!
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: You know I only go to church for two reasons, weddings and funerals, which one we gonna have today?
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: the best revenge you can get on a person who tells you something like that, is to prove them wrong.
  Joe: Best way to get revenge on someone like that is to kick their butt.
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: [advice to Vanessa and Lisa about what to do with a bad man] Cook a big pot of grits, bring him into the kitchen, then toss the grits on him. Then after you toss them, swat him with a frying pan. You gotta get you a good balanced weight, toss and swat, toss and swat, Venus and Serena, that's called grit ball.
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Joe. Did that thing just push you?
  Joe: Sho did. She don't know about us. We Baptist. We tear this place up.
  Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Girl, I will set it off up in here. I will do a drive-by in this church. She don't know me. You better be glad you at church. Jesus just saved your life, Hallelu-yer!
• Joe: I was hoping they would lock you the hell up.
  Mable 'Madea' Simmons: The only thing locked up around here is your bowels. Now shut the hell up.
• Joe: We don't want it. Return to sender
  Mable 'Madea' Simmons: I remember I sent you somewere too and you came back with something. It still itching?
  Joe: Yo' momma. Aw hell that's my momma too
• Madea: Okay Toni, this is your problem... Madea told Toni to go upstairs... 13 stairs... and call 10 digits to get some help with her homework. Toni said she aint doin' it, set back on the couch, folded 2 of her arms and rolled 2 of her eyes. Madea grabbed Toni by 2 of her ankles, dragged her upstairs, hitting her head on every step. How many bruises will little Toni have by the time she gets to the emergency room at Grady Hospital?
• Madea: If you don't back the hell up off me, I'ma beat you like the dude you look like!
• Madea: Ride or die, fool! Ride or die!
• Madea: Judges got a real attitude with me, they took me to the judge and he said "I'm sick of seeing you", I said "I'm sick of seeing you too". He said "Don't be getting smart with me", I said "I've been smart, I'm just getting here". He said "Say one more thing", I said "Go to hell", he said "Go to jail".
• Joe: [watching Madea butter her house arrest bracelet] You know, I was watching the Animal Planet channel and they say that when a coyote is trapped, it will eat its own foot off to get out of the trap. You want some hot sauce? In your case it wouldn't be a coyote, it would be an elephant. A big old giraffe.
  Madea: Say one more thing, Joe. [click of gun]
  Madea: Say one more thing. I don't hear you. You're quiet, can I buy a vowel?

Fav Quotes

Quotes are the best thing ever. They hold such meaning and are so inspiring. They help to make tons of peoples lives better. They can change the biggest things. Here are some of my fav quotes:
"Blood is thicker than water but once the water turns to blood the bond is just as strong"
"I need a father not just a daddy "
"I didnt know I had a f*ckin stamp on my head dat said spokes person for plot of the black people"
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure"
"Hurt me by being honest instead of hurting me by telling me a lie"
"Like big momma always said if a man aint already crazy he aint far from it"
"Everythang dat looks good to ya aint good for ya"
"Males are like buses you ride them to the end of the line and then you get your transfer"
"Vote or Die"
"Everything starts with a dream"
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn"
"It's the ending of the end of an endless end"
"Can you speak to me in the language of divinity?"
"Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainess"
"Somebody put a stop payment on your reality check"
"Lust sometimes can override trust"
'I love Harpo but I'll kill him dead before I let him beat me"
"This aint Buger King you cant always have it yo way"
"Those who dont mind matter and those who do dont"
"Live each day as if it were your last."
"If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question"
"You were born an original, don't die a copy"
"No man is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry."
"True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends"
"Don't ever let someone tell you you can't do something. Not even me. you got a dream, you gotta protect it. people can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. you want something? go get it. Period"
"If you dont like something, change it. If you can't change it then change your attitude"
"Success is liking yourself,liking what you do, and liking how you do it"
"Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure"
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.Just walk beside me and be my friend"
"By any means necessary"
"Gary, if you want to play on this football team, you answer me when I ask you who's your Daddy. Who's your Daddy, Gary? Who's your Daddy?"
"I'm not bitter, I'm mad as hell"
"Bobby. Bobby, I love you" (Whiteny Houston before they split lol)
"Say one more thing. I don't hear you. You're quiet, can I buy a vowel"
"Love is stronger than any addiction, baby; hell, it is one"
"Kunta Kinte put his foot down and it got chopped off. now shut the hell up and go back to sleep" "The best revenge you can get on a person who tells you something like that, is to prove them wrong"
"You are going to rot in hell, I vacation there"
"Love is many things. It's varied. One thing it is not and can never be is unsure"
"Girl, I will set it off up in here. She don't know me. You better be glad you at church. Jesus just saved your life, Hallelu-yer!"
"She don't know me. I'm a straight-up thug. I shot Tupac. Yes, I did. We was arguing over a parking place. I didn't kill him, though. No, that wasn't me"
"I was hoping they would lock you the hell up, the only thing locked up around here is your bowels. Now shut the hell up"
"It's not "H-A-P-P-Y-N-E-S-S" Happiness is spelled with an "I" instead of a "Y" "
"And it was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there, like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it"
"This part of my life... this part right here? This part is called "being stupid.""
"This part of my life... this part right here? This is called "happyness." "
"They call him Snooky because Fool was taken"
"Screw you, I'm brilliant and cool"
"Don't worry about my socks man, it's a tuba thang shorty"
"ONE BAND, ONE SOUND"
"Oh, that's all right, son. Some people can't read the sign that says "toilet". Doesn't mean they don't know how to use it"

A Different Eulogy

Last week I was watching one of my favorite show called A Different World. For those of you who have never seen the show it is about a group of African American students that go to a HBC (historically black college) and it shows all the things they have to deal with all based on the fact that its different from home. Hence the name A Different World. During this esp. Whoopi Goldbuerg and Tisha Cambell-Martin were guest stars. Whoopi was playing some type of professor and she gave her class an assignment that they had to write their own eulogy and would have to present it to the class. The concept she had behind the assingment was that I am a voice in this world and I should be heard. Well in Tisha's eulogy she told the class she had died of AIDS. When she exposed her secret the class was in shock and started acting different (btw I do believe that even with the knowlege that we have aquired about AIDS people would cant werid or should I say ignorant around a person with AIDS). But that wasnt the thing that caught my attention about this esp. it was the fact that Whoopi had them write their own eulogy. I belive I would have a hard time writing my own eulogy because I would have to keep in mind that the things in it would have to be realistic. For example my dream the be the first African American female President will probably not come true. As much as I would love for this to happen I dont believe the world is 1 ready to open up their minds to new ideas and 2 the world is not willing to look past the color of peopls skin or their gender. Another thing that I would love have happen but most likely wont would be to be the person that comes up with a cure for both ADIS and breast cancer. This dream wont becoming true because math and science are not my two strongst subject. I do believe that writing my own eulogy would be a good way to set goals and be more comfortable with death. Once I had an outline of what I wanted my eulogy to say I asked a few friends what they thoguth their eulogy would say. Now some came up with very good things for it to say but they were some what outside the box. And others couldnt even think of were to start. But no matter what they all said I really dont know what I want it to say but all I know is I want it to be full of exciting and good things. I must say I agree. I want my eulogy to full of exciting and good things. This is not a sign that I am dying or that I am about to die its simply me wondering what if. If you think you are up for the challeneg try to write your own eulogy. You dont have to share it with anyone or even let people know you wrote it. But see if you can actually write one without making it outrageous. Its a very interesting adventure if I do say so myself.

F**k Barbie and Ken

Sometimes I feel like I'm sittin' in the back row of Barbie and Ken 101. A class we are all in, but never seem to learn from. Some general ed requirement for students of American culture. A genral eduacation that convinces even the brightest of young women that sex is survival of the thinnest. And I'm sick of this education that doesn't serve our best interests. M y teacher has no face. She is every Revelon model women have ever chased. Her lectures come through magazines in beauty shops & add campaigns. Sh** just turn on your tv this just in, a skewed perspective for todays youth. Y'al ladies aint thin enough, fellas aint trim enough, wanna be sexy? Y'al don't go to the gym enough, cut to commercial. Common just come tune into our maintenance team, convince you're ugly then tell you how to fix it with Maybeline. Perpetually started by these dolls marketed in the late 50's named Barbie and Ken. Hence the class I'm in. Are you following? This sh** doesnt end. They keep moldin' Barbie to fit new trends. Next maybe they'll have club hoppin' Barbie with thongs as accessories. Video hoe Barbie abusive boyfriend sold separately. Underaged Barbie, R.Kellys included. Or 9/11 victim Barbie and Ken is proud to get recruited. Problem is all these teachings are womans decay. And I'm startin' to worry cuz my girl is up front and she's getting an A. This is where I start getting pissed off ok. When the f**k did it become all about tuckin' in the gutt I gotta get the bigger breast shit I wanna fit a little better in a dress, so let me get a little skinny gotta fit into an itty bitty size slimmer so I livin up the chest. Please teacher teacher I wanna give my oral presentation cuz I have a problem with the class, and matter of fact, I have, a fat a** grudge with the whole sadministration. You're the reason my girl won't eat in front of me in restaurants. The reason that she thinks she's overweight in over ten spots. Less gut, less pudge, less lunch, less real, more looks more love more Barbieappeal. F**k Barbie and Ken my future daughter will never play with them. You're the reason bleedin' 15 year old girls arms are slit. You made 12 year olds think skinny was a compliment. And now it's too late. I can't write my way through this bathroom door. So I raise my hand in class cuz I can't stand it any more. Teacher teacher your lectures all backwards. You got mothers and daughters forgetting what matters. Cuz above t*ts, a**, lips, legs, and ugs. The most attractive women are the ones who don't give a f**k. So screw all your teachings, your lessons and plans. You skewed sick distant relative of the man.Your plan for brainwashin' my baby I reject I'm walkin' out of this class, and I will proudly take, my F.

I didnt write this poem. Its by this teenage kid name Rafael Casal. He is such a talented young man. This poem is a big issue and yet he manages to put some funny lines in there. I must say this is one of my fav poems.

A Celerbration for Her

I am very late on telling how the celebration went but I think it will be ok. It was very difficult to stand before her grave and tell her all the wonderful things going on in my life. I wanted her to be there for them. I wanted to her to be able to laugh with me. It was almost like there was no point in having thoes things happen without her. I have never cried so hard for a friend in my life. I have lost a lot of friends for different reasons. Things from we grew up and had nothing in common any more to the boy in our 3rd grade class gave one of us a Valentine and didnt give the other one. But never have a lost a friend like this. And I shouldnt sayI lost her cause really I didnt she is very much in my heart. I should say I have never gone without seeing a friend because of something like this. And out of all the friends that have come and gone I have never missed any of them like I miss her. Sure I have always wanted to know what they are doing or how life is going for them. But never have I wanted more than any thing to give up everything I own for them to be back in my life. I can honestly say that I would do anything to have her back here. Even if I was told I could never talk to her again. Just the thought that she is not laying in a gave and she is walking around beig happy is fine. It would hurt me to my soul but it would be worth her happiness. So the celebration was hard but we made it through. And I will believe each year that passes will get harder. Only because she wont be at all of the wonderful events. But as I said before on the day she was laid to rest and I placed that white rose inside her grave I will see her again. And it will be the most wonderful day any human could have ever experience because I will not only be with a friend but I will be with my other half.

I will miss her

Today is a hard but an important day for me. For today is the anniversary of the death of my childhood friend who died at the tender age of 15 from HIV. She was so full of life and love. She was always smiling and she never stressed over the little things. The thing that makes this day even harder is the fact that tomorrow is her birthday. She would have been 18 years old with a future so bright you would need to sunglasses to see it. The fact that she would have been celebrating our graduation and possibly going to college with me and the rest of our close friends. In honor of her me and my two close friends wore black long sleeve and black hats that said Vote Obama (only cuz she has always wanted a black president). Tonight we are going to visit her grave and tell her how much we love and miss her and update her on whats going on in our lives. And the next day we may go out to dinner and celebrate our friendship. No one in this world could ever take her place. I have people that I am close with but no one knows me like she knew me. She knew what I was thinkig and I knew what she was thinking without even saying it. And when she was gone it was like part of my soul had been taken away. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about her and what life would be like if she was here. But at her funeral I told her we would meet again some day and it would be as if we had never left each other. And I intend on keeping that promise. Well thats pretty much it. I will let you know how tonight went tomorrow.

Plz Dont Get Offended

So I was sitting in Chem class ealier this week and I was some what .....oh what shall we call it..... oh heck we call it what it was I was ashy. Well actually I was Very ashy but n e way I asked my friend if she had some lotion. And she was laughing cuz I was so ashy. And then she looked at her hands and were like oh I'm ashy too. Well she is white and I am black so we looked at each other and just started laughing. So we put on the lotion. And this kid next to her was talking about the D and how it was all rough and ghetto. And when close minded ppl start talking I block them out. Well the conversation turned from being close minded to being flat out racist. No one used the N word or anything but there were jokes made. And yes they sat there and looked at me like is she going to say something. Just as I was bout to open my mouth and say what I had to say my friend who I was just laughing with about being ashy turns to me and says I have a joke but Ash plz dont get offended. Rite then I knew it was going to be racist. So she says her joke (which I didnt find funny) and her and the other people at the table start laughing. I looked at her and said did you really just say plz dont get offended. And she was like well it was not to directed at you personally. And I believe thats where I lost my kool and went off. I said what do you mean it wasnt directed at me personally. You just insulted my culture, my race, my ancestors not to mention a number of other things but I am not suppost to take it persoanlly. Then plz explain to me how I am suppost to take it. She sat there with her mouth open and not saying a word. And I said my point excatly. I moved away from the table and have not been back. I think the thing that hurt me the most was not that they were telling racist jokes or even that they were closed minded but the fact that one of my friends had the never to look at me say plz dont get offended and then tell a racist joke. I am hoping she will understand my pain and anger and well.......no get offended!

I am

I am more than you know
I am more than I show
I can go further than you know
I can blow your mind just by speaking mine
So the next time you think you know
Just remember I can go further
N
E
W
Today is my 18th birthday and I must say that it has been a good day. I have had so many things happen to me these past 19 years and I must say its been an adventure. I am looking forward to what expreiences life will present me. I have seen friends come and go. I have gain family that is not blood related and I have learn who I am. And how far I can push myself. Now that I know this I think I will try to push myself a little further every time I think I cant do something. So lets see how far we can push ourselves. And when we think we have pushed ourselves to the limit we will keep going. Yeah that sounds like plan. Well thats it for me and my baller self. I will get @ you when I get @ you.
Holla Back Right Now
Princess Ashley

My Cage Bird Dosent Sing

MY CAGE BIRD DOSENT SING

Because she's in a place where she cant spread her wings

Her weeping endures for nights but joy never comes in the morning to take me to new heights

My heart is accompanied by such a quality of hate

That my tearless eyes continue to motivate

My impulse to stray away

From a Lord and Savior that has the ability to take

Daylight away

MY CAGE BIRD DOSEN'T SING

Because the world continues to clip her wings

And impales her heart

With a pole long enough to tear her apart

She declines from who she is

No longer viewing blue skies, seals her lid

A lid containing an illusion of her flying

An Image leading to imperishable crying

MY CAGE BIRD DOSENT SING

Because her silence imprints an image left only by a queen

Her vital but silent melody liberates

Those imbalanced by an abundance of hate

An inability to make the world go round

With the love that produces harmony and sound

But eventually her spirit will fly up above

Matching that of a white dove
But you see.........

MY CAGE BIRD ONLY SINGS

To a tune that matches the flapping of her wings

I tried to take ur advice Tati so tell me what you think. But other than that today was a good day. I love my new classes. I think these are the best ones I have had since I have been in HS. The only sad thing about yesterday was my daddy and brother were not here and it was hard to turn 18 with out them. Well I'm goin to watch One on One and eat the rest of my b day cake. Much love to you all.

Princess Ash